Quarantined Behavior

If I had a penny for every time I was caught in a blank-faced stare, completely zoned out and unaware of what was going on around me. I would walk away from this quarantine well off. To say I want to step out of my house hands up and shouting “I’ve had enough” doesn’t describe the half of it. But I’m sure you’re familiar with that feeling as well. I can’t help but think that my thoughts are partly the reason I’m sitting here in this reality even though this horrific virus plagues the entire world. Of course, not the virus part, it is horrible and just scary. I’m praying for my family as well as the world, and for everyone who has personally been affected. Prayer gives me comfort, and it is the best I can do. I can not begin to tell you how often I have complained about not having enough time off. Simply to do more of the things that I feel I can’t do because I’m at work all of the time. Did my thoughts manifest this prolonged time at home? Maybe? Regardless of what the answer to that question is, more importantly, what I should be asking is…. What exactly have I been doing with this time off? Answer: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

That’s right, not much of anything. What I thought I would be doing, and what I am doing are two different things. I have managed to sleep in every single day of this lockdown. People, I am not exaggerating. Every morning I had coffee in bed, sometimes a second cup. And all that working out, I always thought I would do when I had time. Well, I had plenty of time, and I may have gotten in 7 days of exercise. What about all that creative content for the blog? Blog! What blog?

What I can honestly say is that it hasn’t been total misery. It’s been quite lovely. For three months straight, I’ve had breakfast, lunch, and dinner with my family. That’s pretty amazing. Now have I complained about being a chef or a maid and about standing in the kitchen all day. Maybe, but that’s beside the point. Creating meals for other people to find delight in every day is hard and exhausting, but the mission was accomplished. Can I get a pat on the back for the creativity behind the bar? Yes, I consider that a skill. I have also blindly started a kitchen garden, with absolutely no understanding what so ever of agriculture. I can honestly say that my lack of knowledge in gardening shows 100%. It turns out growing organic produce is not low maintenance at all. Shout out to my husband, the real MVP. He’s embraced every single bug, larvae, worm, and fungus that has taken up residency in the garden beds that he built. Not to mention the whole composting situation. That’s a whole other animal and story for a different time, but yet another squirmish job that I have not welcomed. Well, I asked for it, I got it, and we’re doing it.

I am happy to report that I indulged in three books, one of which I haven’t finished yet, thanks to all the daydreaming. It’ll get done eventually. To sum it up, I’m so grateful for this time off. I’m beyond thankful for the uninterrupted time with my family. I needed every single minute that I slept in. I needed all of the moments where I sat still, and did nothing. Because honestly, that is precisely what I needed a break to do. When this quarantine ends, I will not beat myself up over all the workouts I didn’t do, the blog post I didn’t write, or the continuing education videos that I did not watch. All is not lost, just paused.